I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often.
I Miss Us
I haven’t actually blogged for a long time but I guess right now I’m just a giant ball of emotions that I need to release my thoughts somewhere.
Less than a month ago,we broke up. It hurts so much. I never knew a break up could hurt a person that much. When people used to come to me with their relationship problems I could always spew out advice and (what I thought to be) encouraging quotes cause I genuinely thought it’d make them feel better. Now I know, nothing makes it better. The pain just stays with you and it grows.
I guess what makes this all even worse is that he was my first love. I honestly love (I still do) him so much. All I want to do is call him, text him, facebook him and tell him how much I love him cause the naive side of me believes that maybe my love will be enough for him to come back. But it isn’t. My love isn’t enough. He’s given up on our relationship. It’s so painful for me to accept that he has given up. I still can’t quite believe it. I don’t want to believe it. I don’t know anymore. I really don’t. You told me we broke up not because you didn’t love me. I know your reasons and I understand. I wish you were more open minded, I wish you were more accepting, I wish you bothered to try, I wish you stood up for our relationship to your narrow minded friends, I wish you had the courage to stick to your faith.. there’re so many things I wish for because if they came true we’d be together. But life doesn’t work out that way does it? We’re not together and we probably won’t be again.
I miss you so much, it hurts so badly. There were so many things we said we’d do together. I read somewhere that one of the reasons breakups are so painful is because it means the death of all your shared hopes and dreams. That’s true for this. You said that you’d come visit me in Singapore next year. Did you know how excited I was for that? Cause that meant we’d actually last till next year, and that meant I could show you another part of me. When I went back to SG, all I could think about was you, and everywhere I went I told myself I’d show this place to you and how you’d love it. But i guess that won’t be the case anymore, because you’ll probably never come visit. Remember how you said you’d take me to Dublin? Because you wanted us to be alone for a whole day. That made me feel so incredibly special.. I just want to be alone with you forever.
I miss you so much. I love you so much. The saddest part of it all is that,even though you hurt me so much and even if everyone’s telling me you’re a terrible person, I’d take you back in a heartbeat. That makes me so sad and pathetic but it’s the truth.
I love you so much and I don’t know how to stop.